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TavernToys Blog Welcome! At TavernToys, we are always musing about boozing. Here you’ll find some of our thoughts... the coolest tavern toys, drink recipes, the best taverns from around the country, drinking humor, hot gifts, drinking games, and more.

03 December 2012 ~ 0 Comments

Twas the Night without my BrewTender…

Twas the night before Christmas truly a night in December to remember.  Cause nowhere in sight was my frigging, BrewTender. 

I searched all through the cabinets… I searched high and low.  I searched throughout the kitchen and the basement below. 

The thought of no BrewTender for the Christmas Eve party, was more than I could bare - so I doubled my efforts to find the sum-bitch… women – just get in my way… if you dare!

The teenagers were all bitching bout what they probably wouldn’t be getting in the morning – but try and keep me from finding my BrewTender tonight, of that… they should take warning!

I started throwing crap from the kitchen closets, and it made such a clatter - the wife came to see if I was out of my mind… as if that was a first, or would even matter!

Away to the bathroom window I flew like a flash… I tore open the shitter, bent over and threw up my breakfast hash. While in the bathroom I placed my moon on the crapper - Oh where, oh where, is my BrewTender draft beer tapper? 

But what to my wondering eyes should appear… a floater like no other, to be dealt with - with no fear!  Up from my seated posture I arose my rosie red rear. To plunger, to plunger, to plunger… ah hell… none was near!

I ran outside to use dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly - when my ass met with an obstacle, mount hell high in the sky!  So up to the roof-top my trousers and I we flew…  With toilet paper still hanging from below, and perhaps some Winnie the Pooh too!

It was then that I saw Martin and Dave which I heard say… to clean him up we’re gonna need to get some comet… He looks so stupid… he appears to be………. yep… he’s still a blitz’n.

Martin reached into their sleigh, Dave cause of drinking had a twinkle in his bloodshot eyes - What I saw next made me almost die, that I cannot lie!  There it was – a wonderment to behold… The last BrewTender on earth, which had yet been given, borrowed or sold. 

More important than copper, bronze, silver or gold… was the magfnifficint sight of which I began to behold.

Dave sprang from the sleigh so lively and quick; just the sight of him moving so fast… damn near made me sick!   But I heard Martin and Dave exclaim as they drove their sleigh off my roof. 

Take this BrewTender, pull your pants up, and get out of our sight…

Merry Christmas and BrewTender’s for all… and for all – Party on dudes!

Just one Elfs opinion!!!

11 October 2012 ~ 0 Comments

Happy Halloween – BooTender style!

For all you party animals out there; including but not limited to: Lycanthropes, Sanguinarians, Witches and Wizards.  Here’s a Halloween party-tip that’s sure to make all your quests -

 ”Howl at the Moon” with fright! and delight!!

————-

From the journal of two ”Mad” party guys: FRANK & STEIN  (aka: Martin & Dave)

                                                                 How we created the Monster – The BooTender

First… Decorate your BrewTender with all sorts of ghosties and goblins (cut-outs/sticker-decals) - by doing that you’ve taken the first important step to having your BrewTender liven up the party. 

Second… Fill your trusty BrewTender’s ice-chamber 3/4 full with ice (cubes or crushed) and top the ice chamber off with some dry-ice!  This will create an awesome mad-scientist test-tube effect, as the vapor created flows eerily from the top of your BrewTender, down and all about it…  Make sure you fill your BrewTender’s beverage chamber with your favorite witches-brew (lime green color -or- red color beverage), is especially striking!  Then, switch-on your BrewTender’s internal lantern, watch it “glow” as the mysterious fog abounds from your now… ”BooTender!” - that is… alive! It’s………. ALIVE!!

Third… Drink/party responsibly!

What’s that you say..? You don’t own the one and only: BrewTender/BooTender - famous from here to; Transylvania… and all points in-between…

Frank & Stein – just happen to have (one or more), that you and your upcoming party go-er’s can sink your fangs into! by trick or treating:  www.taverntoys.com

That’s one Ghouls opinion – AH - HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!!!!!!!!

02 March 2012 ~ 0 Comments

2012 Nightclub & Bar Show: (A “Super” Good Time!)…

This just in from: Rolling Stoned Magazine &  The Puffington Post…

Our two favorite ”Super Hero’s” - “Magnificent Martin” and his side-kick ”Dangerous Dave…”  Are busy readying themselves and their Samurai weapon’s of choice:  The BrewTender’s (portable tabletop cooling drink/draft beer tower dispenser’s)… To yet once again venture to: “Sin City!”  To fight the ultimate crime against humanity (serving warm beer, which is way bad; shame on you… yeah, you know who you are!).  And when we, their ever faithfull followers call them “Super Hero’s” we don’t say that lightly.  Because their noble quest or super-power if you will, is to bring justice!  No they are not lawyer’s (heaven forbid!) – oh, uh, if you are a lawyer and you’re reading this; please refer to the liability waiver at the bottom… Now, where was I? Oh yes…  Not only are Magnifficiant Martin and Dangerous Dave, not lawyer’s - to my knowledge neither of them has  ever passed any bar (with or without an exam going on)… without going in!  Nay!!! Nay, I say!!! They defend with their very lives us all! - as they continue their dauntless efforts intent on ending once and for all the tyrany suffered by countless thousands of bar-patrons.  Patrons who perhaps at this very minute are being perpetually perniciously persecuted… As they are forced to endure yet again, the burden of drinking ever warming, otherwise really good draft beer.  Draft beer served by the magnifficiant and dangerous ones, arch nemesis!… The cold beer pinching: Pitifully Pesky Beer Pickling Pesky Pitcher! (warm beer is so not nice, I had to say Pesky twice!)… So now (well, maybe not this very minute) but soon!  Come join me and a multitude of others that we infection-ately refer to our movement as: “Occupy Las Vegas Convention Center” – who the hell would want to hang out on Wall Street? No free booze samples there!!!)…  In meeting those two noble crime fighters, at their exhibitors booth, known the world over as:  “The Tower of Super Powered Beer Tower-Tubes.”  (so much cooler than: The Fortress of Solitude). I mean really, solitude!… Who wants to party by themselves?…  Join us at booth #965 – at this years Nightclub Bar & Restaurant Show in LasVegas, NV - March 13 & 14.  Otherwise, if you don’t support these two brave magnificent and dangerous souls in their noble quest… Perhaps you (not me, I’ve already got BrewTender’s) shall never again enjoya great cold draft beer… And that my friends and foes (foes; being you purveyors of: Pitifully Pesky Beer Pickling Pesky Pitchers) – Is this quy’s opinion!!! 

Liability waiver/disclaimer – The author of this blog hereby pleads insanity.  And if necessary, in his defense against any/all liability, will take the, or better still drink from, a fifth… or half gallon as deemed necessary under advisement from his lawyer: Jack Daniels, Esq.  -  End transmission…

08 December 2011 ~ 0 Comments

After the Twelve Days of Christmas…

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: Twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves… And a shiny new BrewTender® from TavernToys.com…

At first after receiving all that – I asked myself… Besides the BrewTender® which was love at first sight. And of which I immediately filled with beer and began wasailing to my very favorite Christmas carol, which of course is Canon Rock by the Transyberian Orchastra – AWESOME!  And the dancing girls and milk-maides (they could be prove to be interesting)… And the gold rings, which of course with the price of gold being what it is - (The rings I can pawn for a pretty good price)…  But what the heck am I gonna do with all this other crap!  I mean those incesant drummers with their endless drumming - And good God, those Leaping Lords in tights (ugh!)… And all those birds, imagine the mess!  Just when my frustration had peaked (and pecked – damn birds), it came to me – It was so simple!

I’ve got the makings for a KICK-ASS, New Years Eve Party!!!

The opions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of either the management, or even a particularly sane individual…  But that’s just this guys opinion!  Happy Holidays to all, and to all a Kick-Ass night!

23 October 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Memoirs of: All Hallows Eve

I remember…
Tortured soul oaks looming amidst fallen yellows and crimson enhancements – Flight night air filled with ghosts, cryptically plotting ghouls and witches enchantments. 

I remember…
Dismally twisted skeletal branches… Shall it be treat for me, or trick for you? – Willing to take your chances..? Nightmarish stories not to lament – “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” and the headless horsemen, hell hath sent.

Twisted yarns by Wes Craven or better worse Poe’s “The Raven…” Which made the Pit in my Pendulum drop to the table then the floor – Undulating and unfurled by that crow’s relentless rap-rapping, tap-tapping at that chamber door.

I remember…
Pumpkins lit by candle torches and trick or treating for sweets – Jack-O-Lanterns illuminating porches all up and down the streets… Timeless living-dead monsters created by masters like Shelly and Stoker – Of these memories I mainly speak – Horror stories written not for the faint of heart, squeamish or weak… 

Quixotic memories once burned bright in my heart all through that frightful night – Now may be mere sparks, just an ember ever difficult to remember – Yet even still – Oh how I love All Hallows Eve that sleepless night, one night before November…

David Reuben

————-

Now, here’s some Ghoulish Part-Tay wisdom…

To add some fangtastic fun to your howlingly good time Halloween party – Bring out your ole trusty BrewTender® – Add a tiny bit of dry-ice within its ice chamber (then fill the rest of the ice chamber with real ice)…  It will create an awesome smoking/fog effect - Bubble bubble toil and trouble… Highlighting your witches brew (favorite libation).  Just some more fun served-up from everyone’s favorite party dispenser – The BrewTender®  www.taverntoys.com

“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes…”

One guys or in that case witches opinion – Happy Halloween!!!

17 May 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Chicago – International Restaurant Show May 21 – 24

The boys@taverntoys.com are at it again…  Heading off to Chicago to the International Restaurant Show to exhibit their galactically famous cooling beer tower dispenser – The BrewTender® booth 634…  Ah Chicago, the windy city on the inland sea Lake Michigan… So beautiful Chicago is with all of its hundreds if not thousands of specialty destinations this guy likes to refer to as… Irish Pubs!!!  Yes indeed lad’s and lassies… This guy loves an Irish Pub like a sailor loves his rum, or an Irishman loves his whisky would perhaps be more apply put.  Chicago, home of such cosmically famous  gin-joints (Guinness joints that is) as: Timothy O’ Tooles (where you will find BrewTender’s® I might add), Fado’s and a myriad, no… more like a cornucopia – Ney, I’d go so far as to say a plethora (that’s it, I said it… Plethora!) of blarney second only to Dublin (Graceland; for those filled with blarney) herself!  And lest us not forget one of the most famous miracle-miles of them all (miracle-mile sounds better than miracle-Kilometer, don’t you think?)… Rush street – Where one can find perhaps as many as one zillion Irish Pub’s simply by leaning in the wind (windy city) a few feet (not fall… be sure to not fall!) in any direction.  And on that note, leaning not falling – I leave you with some words of inspiration, if not wisdom… from I think… Will Ferrell. (Paraphrased – please correct me if I’m mistaken with my source)… I think it went something like this – I’d like to make a beer called “Drink Responsibly” that way all the other breweries advertise for me!   Now, make no mistake, this guy’s a serious advocate for responsible drinking – However, doesn’t it seem that the very phrase “Please drink responsibly!”  Suggest’s that we are being asked though be it nicely, to drink?  In moderation of course… And always, always of course from a BrewTender®…  Well boys@taverntoys.com, stay healthy, do well and sell, sell, sell – And if just showing/telling everyone at the trade show how awesome the BrewTender® is, doesn’t work – Hit them over the head with a shillaly, knock some frigging sense in em!  (non violent selling techniques of course being my first suggestion) – But heck, after all that’s just this guy’s opinion – lol

07 April 2011 ~ 0 Comments

Cinco de Mayo – Viva BrewTender®

Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for “fifth of May”) is a holiday held on May 5 that commemorates the Mexican army‘s unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín. It is celebrated primarily in the state of Puebla and in the United States. While Cinco deMayo sees limited significance in Mexico itself, the date is observed nationwide mostly in the United Statesas a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride. (Source wikipedia).

Now that you’ve had your history lesson for the day – Let me tell you what Cinco de Mayo means to me…  It means it’s time to enjoy some great Mexican, Cervezas (that’s Spanish for Beer; note to the less Spanglishly edified than myself!). 

Or, if you prefer a shortcut to the un-avoidable outcome of putting a smile on your face…  Have yourself a few shots of tequila (“it’s like beer!”)… Patron Silver being a favorite of yours truly… (“it’s like beer”) Source – The Three Amigo’s!

Oh, and when you’re preparing to serve your favorite Mexican libation(s) to celebrate Cinco de Mayo… Make certain you bring out your ole “Brew-mego” the BrewTender®.  It’s the perfect cooling dispenser to serve-up some ice-cold to the last glass cadalac Margarita’s… Or, of course let us not forget that it’s also the perfect dispenser to serve your choice of south of the border cerveza(s) – Carona, Pacifico, Dos Equis, Modello, Tecate, SOL (just to name a few of my favorite things!).

This Amego’s opinion… Viva Mexico! – Viva Cinco de Mayo! - Viva BrewTender®!

17 March 2011 ~ 5 Comments

Mans best friend – An Irish cave-man tale (tail..!)

There have been many theory’s as to how man (no doubt the Irish) domesticated the wolf (canis lupis) to become today’s modern family dog (canis lupis familiaris).  The true story is as follows – Once upon a time in a cave far far away.  There were these two Irish troglodytes (cave-men) named Martin and David; who we will for the purpose of this story hence forward refer to by the nicknames, Mart and Dave… (I know, a real stretch!)…  Anyway, Mart and Dave were one day doing what they did best – Making home-brew from honey, wheat, hops, barley and of course the purest mountain spring water… They named their home-brew “grog” because it was made “green” to celebrate St. Paddy’s day which they somehow knew would one day be a special day (cause someone needed to come along and get rid of all the damn snakes!) Anyway, this particular batch of brew they made turned out green like a frog; but wasn’t a frog so naturally they named it “grog” (they named pretty much everything grog!) - Later they would name future brewings “mead” and later re-name them yet once again to simply ”brewski!”   Now, where was I – Oh yeah… Meanwhile, while they were diligently at the task of home-brewing… A hungry scary wolf (canis lupis – but you knew that, cause I already told you!)… Came into their cave which Mart and Dave lived in together merely to split the expenses just to save money – They would later invent money… (Only to save money was the reason for the shared dwelling thing – That must be perfectly understood!) Anyway, the wolf immediately began chewing on Dave’s (left leg); until it finally after about 12 hours ripped it clean off of Dave all the way up to his left hip (Kids – Dave would later have a left hip replacement and Mart would fashion an all new prosthetic leg for Dave; one that Mart made from the remains of a dead goats right leg, so no worries!).  Well, seeing Dave’s shredded leg now separate from his body torn from just below his left leg (Left leg, is that clear yet?) laying on the ground – Mart picked up the leg (now mostly just bone) and threw it out the cave (Mart – Thinking to himself, we can’t have Dave’s rotting left leg stinking up the place)….  Now, the wolf sees Mart throw the leg and immediately it runs after the skeletal remains and brings it back to Mart – This happens over and over; until suddenly the wolf begins wagging it’s tail while retrieving the severed leg. The wolf was apparently enjoying what had now become a game of throw/fetch/retrieve - As did Mart!)… Dave, though in excruciating pain applauded them both cause it was funny to watch despite that fact that it was his severed (left leg) they were playing with….  The wolf loved the game so much he stuck around figuring that once he got hungry again there was still plently (left) of Dave that he could eat then later use to play with Mart… So the dog became their friend (well sort of, at least when he wasn’t hungry!)…  Later that week the two boys Mart and Dave would invent and/or discover – Fire, the wheel, and perhaps their greatest invention to date; one that was specifically developed to hold and serve their batches of home-made brewski – The BrewTender® - The perfect dispenser to serve cold and enjoy your favorite Brew’s (Hop-fully Irish Brew’s)…  Now, invite someone to come over to your place tonight (someone named Mart, maybe..?) - Make some popcorn (add some green food dye – It’s St. Paddy’s!)… And put on the oldie but greatie movie”2001 a Space Odyssey”… For a historic perspective look at both the past and into the future (wait their future that movie depicts is our past – Hmm… Paradoxical conundrum maybe…?)… Oh,  and most importantly… Don’t forget to fill-up the ole BrewTender – Now where’d my dog “Hal” make off to..?  Ah, there he is… Hal – Fetch me the remote!!!  -  “Sorry Dave, I just can’t do that…”    Huh!!!….????  

Next time Hal and I will be telling the tale of how two cave-men (that’d be Mart and Dave) invented the Internationally famous, world renowned BrewTender® by TavernToys.com – Of which utilizes many of their before invented technologies such as, fire (lantern light up feature)… The wheel (lazy suzan rotating base-platform)… And ice (ice tube – Devised to keep the beverage cold without watering down your drinks)…  How’d they invent/discover ice you might ask…? (you might!) - Hey it was the “Ice-Age…”  Geesh!!!!

And that’s how it really happened on this St. Patrick’s day thousands of years ago! – Well that’s this guy’s opinion anyway…!!!  “Stay green!”

03 March 2011 ~ 0 Comments

This Guys Opinion: The boys are at it again! The 2011 Nightclub & Bar Show

The boys@taverntoys.com are once again exhibiting their invention - The BrewTender® as well as an all new assortment of fun-tastic collegiant licensed products and awesome tailgating accessories; at the Nightclub & Bar Trade Show in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada – When..? Tuesday 03/08/2011  through Wednesday 03/09/2011 Where..? The Las Vegas Convention Center (booth 261). This will be the seventh year in a row the boys have exhibited at the show.  When asked of its significance to their business; they both stated that it was one of, it not the most important of several  industry shows they exhibit at throughout each year. 

This Guys Opinion:  Sell boys, sell like the wind!!! - And of course… Party-on!!!

14 January 2011 ~ 0 Comments

The Boys at TavernToys.com Are On the Go! – This Guy’s Opinion

The Boys at TavernToys.com are once again on the Go!  This time they’re off to the Sports Licensing and Tailgating Show – Held at the Mandalay Bay Hotel Casino  in fabulous Las Vegas, NV.

When this guy caught up to ask the boys what they hoped to gain by attending the show.  They both (Martin & Dave) said they were aggressively seeking new avenues and markets for their unique and fun, cooling draft beer/beverage dispenser – The BrewTender™  their own brain-child patented invention. 

Particularly, they will be seeking Sports Licensing for their product - Be it Collegiate or Professional Sports… Such as but not limited to: Football, Baseball, Basketball and etc.

This Guy’s Opinion – God Speed Martin & Dave:  theboys@taverntoys.com