17 March 2011 ~ 5 Comments

Mans best friend – An Irish cave-man tale (tail..!)

There have been many theory’s as to how man (no doubt the Irish) domesticated the wolf (canis lupis) to become today’s modern family dog (canis lupis familiaris).  The true story is as follows – Once upon a time in a cave far far away.  There were these two Irish troglodytes (cave-men) named Martin and David; who we will for the purpose of this story hence forward refer to by the nicknames, Mart and Dave… (I know, a real stretch!)…  Anyway, Mart and Dave were one day doing what they did best – Making home-brew from honey, wheat, hops, barley and of course the purest mountain spring water… They named their home-brew “grog” because it was made “green” to celebrate St. Paddy’s day which they somehow knew would one day be a special day (cause someone needed to come along and get rid of all the damn snakes!) Anyway, this particular batch of brew they made turned out green like a frog; but wasn’t a frog so naturally they named it “grog” (they named pretty much everything grog!) - Later they would name future brewings “mead” and later re-name them yet once again to simply ”brewski!”   Now, where was I – Oh yeah… Meanwhile, while they were diligently at the task of home-brewing… A hungry scary wolf (canis lupis – but you knew that, cause I already told you!)… Came into their cave which Mart and Dave lived in together merely to split the expenses just to save money – They would later invent money… (Only to save money was the reason for the shared dwelling thing – That must be perfectly understood!) Anyway, the wolf immediately began chewing on Dave’s (left leg); until it finally after about 12 hours ripped it clean off of Dave all the way up to his left hip (Kids – Dave would later have a left hip replacement and Mart would fashion an all new prosthetic leg for Dave; one that Mart made from the remains of a dead goats right leg, so no worries!).  Well, seeing Dave’s shredded leg now separate from his body torn from just below his left leg (Left leg, is that clear yet?) laying on the ground – Mart picked up the leg (now mostly just bone) and threw it out the cave (Mart – Thinking to himself, we can’t have Dave’s rotting left leg stinking up the place)….  Now, the wolf sees Mart throw the leg and immediately it runs after the skeletal remains and brings it back to Mart – This happens over and over; until suddenly the wolf begins wagging it’s tail while retrieving the severed leg. The wolf was apparently enjoying what had now become a game of throw/fetch/retrieve - As did Mart!)… Dave, though in excruciating pain applauded them both cause it was funny to watch despite that fact that it was his severed (left leg) they were playing with….  The wolf loved the game so much he stuck around figuring that once he got hungry again there was still plently (left) of Dave that he could eat then later use to play with Mart… So the dog became their friend (well sort of, at least when he wasn’t hungry!)…  Later that week the two boys Mart and Dave would invent and/or discover – Fire, the wheel, and perhaps their greatest invention to date; one that was specifically developed to hold and serve their batches of home-made brewski – The BrewTender® - The perfect dispenser to serve cold and enjoy your favorite Brew’s (Hop-fully Irish Brew’s)…  Now, invite someone to come over to your place tonight (someone named Mart, maybe..?) - Make some popcorn (add some green food dye – It’s St. Paddy’s!)… And put on the oldie but greatie movie”2001 a Space Odyssey”… For a historic perspective look at both the past and into the future (wait their future that movie depicts is our past – Hmm… Paradoxical conundrum maybe…?)… Oh,  and most importantly… Don’t forget to fill-up the ole BrewTender – Now where’d my dog “Hal” make off to..?  Ah, there he is… Hal – Fetch me the remote!!!  -  “Sorry Dave, I just can’t do that…”    Huh!!!….????  

Next time Hal and I will be telling the tale of how two cave-men (that’d be Mart and Dave) invented the Internationally famous, world renowned BrewTender® by TavernToys.com – Of which utilizes many of their before invented technologies such as, fire (lantern light up feature)… The wheel (lazy suzan rotating base-platform)… And ice (ice tube – Devised to keep the beverage cold without watering down your drinks)…  How’d they invent/discover ice you might ask…? (you might!) - Hey it was the “Ice-Age…”  Geesh!!!!

And that’s how it really happened on this St. Patrick’s day thousands of years ago! – Well that’s this guy’s opinion anyway…!!!  “Stay green!”

5 Responses to “Mans best friend – An Irish cave-man tale (tail..!)”

  1. Leo the Leprechaun 17 March 2011 at 12:59 pm Permalink

    No doubt you named the Wolf “Guinnessis” after the first book of beer making. A toast to Mart and Dave this fine Saint Patrick’s Day. (Damn those snakes!!!)


  2. Dustin 17 March 2011 at 3:27 pm Permalink

    Oh Dave, you’re a special one!

  3. Mr. Dublin 17 March 2011 at 4:12 pm Permalink

    Now me knows the whole story!!!

  4. Joan of "Bark" 17 March 2011 at 6:13 pm Permalink

    Howl!!!!! Mr Dublin throw me a bone

  5. Leo the Leprechaun 21 March 2011 at 1:13 pm Permalink

    Bark! Bark! Bark!

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